Courtesy of the National Archives (photograph #42)There is a GPS on our dining room table; it looks a bit intimidating so I have yet to actually put it in the van. There is a portable dual-screen DVD player propped against the dining room wall. I picked up our maps, books and Triptik from AAA yesterday. Madeleine, Emily and I are driving across the country (and back) this summer. Yes, you read that correctly. And yes, I think there is a "Melissa is Crazy" club forming complete with membership t-shirts.
Supplies are slowly starting to pile up. Hotel rooms are booked. Retail locations where one can replenish the ice chest dry ice have been located. The van has been looked over and will be again when it goes in for its pre-trip oil change. I have considered switching my "P.E.O. - Educating Women" license plate frames to something extolling fictional support for the NRA, but doubt it will happen.
I'm not sure where the idea came from. Maybe it really did start four years ago when Till and I made our three-day-stay-ahead-of-the-moving-van dash across the country and I saw a sign for something related to Laura Ingalls Wilder. We didn't stop....we didn't stop to see anything at all that trip. Over 2,600 miles in 3 days, you can do the math. I said something to the effect it might be fun to drive across the country with the girls when they were older and they could see this kind of thing. If I'm remembering correctly, Till snorted and laughed. The same laugh he now uses when I mention a third child; right before he says "You and your second husband enjoy that baby."
Maybe it is the I-assume-you-will-misbehave-simply-because-you-are-a-young-child glares our children receive from other passengers whenever they so much as step on a plane Note: Not that our girls are angels and everything is butterflies and rosebuds around our house, but our kids actually behave on planes. I literally bring about 40 pounds (Don't worry Spirit Airlines, it is all in one back-breaking backpack that goes right under the seat in front of me!) of snacks, toys, coloring books, crayons, mini etch a sketches, pipe cleaners, beads, plastic lacing, portable DVD player, headphones, movies, emergency change of clothes, wipes, hand sanitizer, etc. to keep them entertained and comfortable. They sit in their seats. They stay buckled in. And, unlike adults, the girls don't get drunk and loud, they don't wear too much perfume/cologne and they don't yammer loudly on cell phones until the last possible moment to demonstrate they are VERY important people.
Maybe it is the increasing audacity of airlines' fees, all based on the premise oil prices are at record highs, yet conveniently not noticing oil prices have come down. And, why are the luggage fees based on destination instead of length of trip? We flew to Germany for one week and, between the four of us, were allowed to take 8 checked bags for "free". We didn't, but we could have. We flew to Spokane for two-and-a-half weeks and had to pay to bring more than three changes of underwear.
Perhaps it has been the all too frequent occurrence of passenger planes being diverted and/or escorted by fighter jets because of a passenger who makes some kind of threat. Off the top of my head:
1. The pilots who were so engaged with their computers, they forgot to land in Minneapolis.
2. The flight to Hawaii that had to turn around over the Pacific and go to Portland, complete with F-15 escort.
3. The same airline had to divert another flight, during the same week, because one passenger insisted on harassing another.
4. The oh-so-classy Qatari diplomat who decided the FAA ban on smoking didn't apply to him and that 30,000 feet was a great place to launch his new career as a stand-up comic.
5. The genius who mentioned his fake passport and explosive luggage causing an international flight to divert. Apparently, he is now saying he was carrying classified information and didn't want it to draw attention to it....smoooooth!
Or, possibly it was the air traffic controller who brought his young children with him to work and let them chat with pilots who literally had the lives of hundreds of people in their hands. On yet another side note - I don't know if you have read/listened to the transcript of "Captain Sully" landing in the Hudson. While his actions were obviously amazing, so were those of the air traffic controller in the tower. That man was beyond-words calm. Every time an option he provided was refused, he had another to give. I'm guessing he didn't have time to yank the communication equipment out of a child's hands and dislodge said child from his seat. He had to be ready to go and thankfully he was. That's how emergencies work. They sort of sneak up on you.
I guess I really started thinking about this in January. I had just come off flying with Emily and Madeleine to Spokane in August, to Frankfurt in October, and to Spokane in December/January. Maybe I had a bit of an airline hangover and what started as a comedic musing, has become reality.
We are also not sending Madeleine and Emily to kindergarten next year. They will get to have another year of pre-K, so this is our last summer of not worrying about working around an "official school schedule" and seems like an opportune time for an "adventure". Never mind when I first broached the subject with my buddies I was told by Emily "But Mommy, that will take a lot more days than flying." to which Madeleine succinctly added "No, Mommy. That is a crazy idea." From the mouths of babes.
Till is not coming because our absence is a good opportunity for him to get some work done this summer (and he is too smart to get snared in my plans). But don't fret, I have intrepid co-pilots.
On the return trip we have a very good friend of mine (Obviously, because who else gets roped into this?) Sarah. Sarah has always wanted to drive across the country. Although under pressure, she admitted she didn't picture two five-year-olds as part of the plan. She graciously agreed to drive with us. So, she will come back to Williamsburg for a few days and then fly out of Richmond back to her home in Portland in August.
We will also be traveling with Theodore; the Teddy Bear Class mascot from preschool. We will make a scrapbook about our trip and the states through which we travel. Theodore will use the book to teach next year's Teddy Bear class about the U.S. beyond the tidewater area of Virginia.
A few brave souls have had the courage to ask me how I think Emily and Madeleine will handle this. I have no idea, but "challenging" pops to mind. When we lived in Washington we frequently drove from Edgewood to Spokane. However, we usually got Madeleine and Emily ready for bed, put them in their car seats and hit the road, meaning they slept most of the way. Plus, it has been four years since they have participated in a drive of that length. When we make the three hour trip to D.C. they are usually whining before we have cleared our own county line.
I'm not going to post our exact dates on the internet because there are a few loonies out there (not that any of the five of you who read this blog qualify). If you want specifics, and actually know me, send me an email and I can send you dates so you know when to begin looking for headlines along the lines of "Deranged Mother Refuses To Get Back In Van: Says She Prefers Riding On The Roof Rack".
A rough outline of our itinerary is as follows:
Day One - Williamsburg to Lexington, KY. Mileage 544, Hours 9. Things to see/do: Study the pattern of the van's upholstery. Contemplate buying plane tickets from Lexington to Spokane. Pray the kids will actually buy into the idea the Lexington hotel having a pool is reward enough for the drive, but know full well they justifiably will not. The basic idea is "make hay while the sun shines". The girls won't know what to expect that first day, so let's cover some ground.
Day Two - Lexington to Galesburg, IL. Mileage 444, Hours 7.5. Things to see/do: More upholstery studying . I have some new DVDs and think they might get used heavily on this day. We will still be trying to cover distance while the novelty is there. This is one of two hotels without a pool, but I have already promised going out for ice cream. There is also the The Big Blue Chair.
Day Three - Galesburg to Owatonna, MN. Mileage 340, Hours 5.75. Things to see/do: Ha ha! This is the carrot I will use the first three days. There is a water park!! Yep...we will hit the road early, get there as close to check-in time as possible and play to our hearts content.
Day Four - Owatonna to Mitchell, SD (via De Smet, SD) Mileage 305, Hours 6. Things to see/do: Let the good times roll! This year the girls were part of Later Gators at school. Students bring lunch and stay later (2 PM!) and learn about a specific topic. LG meets once a week for six weeks. One of the LG choices this winter was the "Pioneer Club" and Madeleine and Emily learned about Laura Ingalls Wilder and the pioneers. So, we will have our "Little House" day driving through Walnut Grove, Sleepy Eye, Mankato (even detouring to De Smet - which has option one and option two) and consequently arrive fairly late in the day in Mitchell.
Day Five - Mitchell to Spearfish, SD (via Wall, SD). Mileage 320, Hours 5.25. Things to see/do: We will start our day at The Corn Palace. We will then proceed to Wall Drug, where I want the girls to establish their mining and panning skills so we can strike it rich in northern Idaho later in the summer. I have budgeted most of the afternoon for this stop. We are skipping Mount Rushmore as that is Sarah's one request and I'm guessing I can only pull-off "Cool! Faces in a mountain!" once a summer, so we will see it on the way back.
Day Six - Spearfish to Billings, MT (via Medora, ND). Mileage 487, Hours 8. Things to see/do: Yeah, I blew it planning this day. There is a lot to see and I think I may have been a bit too ambitious about how far into Montana we will get. I want to do the vast majority of driving during daylight hours, but this may be a later hotel arrival. However, this is the second hotel without a pool, so if we get there late - it isn't a crisis.
The girls really want to see the Grand Canyon. The theme last year at Bible Camp was "Discovery Canyon" and it think they somehow translated it to the Grand Canyon. I looked into the detour and there is just no way. However, Medora is right next to the Teddy Roosevelt National Park with the Painted Canyon. The girls can't read!!! So, we tell them it is the Grand Canyon (I've been referring to it as "the canyon", but if under immense pressure - I will flat-out lie), take their pictures, and have "I Saw The Grand Canyon" t-shirts made at shutterfly.com. There is also the Medora Children's Park and something about A Cowboy and His Horse. Nearby Dickinson has the Dakota Dinosaur Museum.
I did, briefly, consider staying in the Wooly Wagon at "Custer's Cottage", but threw out the idea when I learned they "run an extension cord" for power and the restrooms are at "the campground across the street". Maybe next time...when I'm sure I won't be traipsing around at 10PM searching for a restroom with a child who is only semi-conscious and wearing footy pajamas.
Day Seven - Billings to Mom and Dad's. Mileage 541. Hours 8.75. Things to see/do - Hey girls! Has the upholstery changed in the past week? I'm not sure we are going to make it this day. I am assuming we will all be so sick of it we will be willing to push through. If not, we'll stop in Missoula and come into town a day later. Missoula has a Children's Museum we may use as a stop to stretch legs....only time will tell.
