In Defense Of Girls

About the time Madeleine and Emily turned three I started getting questions about whether or not we would have a third baby. After several of these inquiries I noticed a trend. People want to know if we will try for another baby for the sole reason of having a son the next time around.

For about six months I have struggled to discern if this is simply people looking for balance, even if it is gender-balance in a family other than their own; or if it is rooted in subtle sexism. There are days I think people's motivation is pretty harmless and there are days I'm convinced it is sexism. The latter tends to come when I'm told things like "Till needs a son." "Despite what they say, all men secretly want a son." and "She is glad this baby is a boy, so she doesn't have to have another one." - and all of these pearls of wisdom were shared by people I put in the family and friends category.

In the interest of full disclosure, I know more women who have all daughters than women who have all sons. When I ask moms of sons if they are questioned about possibly trying for a girl they tell me - sometimes. When I ask mothers of daughters if they are asked about trying for a boy, they tell me - all the time. Maybe I'm not asking the right women, but it seems there is a trend. The assumption is, if you don't have a son, your family is not complete; sons are necessary, daughters are accessories.

We have never known the heartbreak of trying to get pregnant and having difficulty or the agony of miscarriage. We were blessed with a stress-free, uncomplicated pregnancy and delivery resulting in two completely healthy, full-term babies who left the hospital 36 hours after birth. Our daughters are, and will hopefully remain, healthy, bright, personable and feisty. Are they "less" because they are girls?

October 25th 2004 was the day we had the ultrasound that revealed gender. Honestly, I was hoping for a boy and a girl, simply because I thought it would be easier for each child to see him or herself as an individual, rather than part of "the twins" (a term we do not use), if something as basic as gender was different. My second choice was two girls, because I really wanted at least one daughter. I would have happily taken two boys, but I confess to a secret yearning for pink ribbons and tea parties. Baby A (Madeleine) was probably a girl (80% chance) and Baby B (Emily) was definitely a girl; and not modest. I was walking on air. October 26th 2004 I was in the staff room during lunch and someone asked if we had learned the babies' gender. When I said it was two girls, the first thing I was asked by another teacher was "Is your husband disappointed?" The answer - absolutely not, both babies are healthy and we are thrilled. It was about that time we quit referring to the babies as "the tenants" and started referring to them as "the Schreiber girls".

Over four years later, today, I was asked if we would be trying for a boy "next time" by a stranger at Target. First of all, there may very well not be a "next time", we kind of like having two kids - at least for now. Secondly, Emily and Madeleine were standing next to me when I was asked and they understood the question. Thankfully, they did not understand the implication that they are not enough, that they need a brother in the eyes of many, but they understood there was a question about a boy and if we were going to "try" for this prize that has thus far eluded us. This question is no longer a harmless question. This is no longer someone stepping on the toes of etiquette while prying into a stranger's life. This is a question that sends a message to my daughters that, for a reason that is not viable and is beyond their control, they are insufficient.

I know many people will feel I'm overreacting and my daughters have nothing to worry about. This is the United States; the nation of Susan B. Anthony, Clara Barton, Eleanor Roosevelt, Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem, Sandra Day OConnor, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama; you can be anything you want to be in our society; women can have it all - career and family. And yet, recently I read an article stating some doctors are alarmed by more people turning to specific infertility treatments, not to become pregnant, but to choose the gender of the baby; most of these people desire sons.

Today President Obama signed The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Restoration Act ( op-ed here). I watched his remarks following the signing. I watched him invoke the memory of his grandmother who hit the glass ceiling at the bank where she worked. He stated he signed the bill for her and "for my daughters, and all those who will come after us, because I want them to grow up in a nation that values their contributions, where there are no limits to their dreams and they have opportunities their mothers and grandmothers never could have imagined."

While it is wonderful this law is now law, why is it needed if we live in a country that values women as much as men? I don't have the answer. I do have the answer to the question of whether or not we are going to try for a boy - if we have a third child, it will be because we want another child, boy or girl, either would be welcomed with open arms. But, please, don't ask me about it in front of my daughters. Some day they will figure out the implication of the question and I'm not sure what to tell them.

Back To "Normal"

Emily (L) and Madeleine (R) playing with a castle Oma and Opa sent from Germany. The girls' father had a wonderful time putting the castle together!

On our trip from Spokane to Williamsburg we had to kill approximately three hours in the Las Vegas airport. We decided to walk over to the other terminal and consequently take advantage of (play on - of course out of the way of other passengers) the moving walkways between the two concourses. The airport completed the walkway area fairly recently and apparently Till had checked it out on his way to Spokane, whereas I had not seen it. As we were walking I kindly pointed out to Till that if he somehow led us out of the secure area I would murder him with my bare hands as I didn't want to go through security again. Madeleine stopped, looked up and informed me "We don't kill. Mr. Franklin said not to murder." Mr. Franklin is the girls' Sunday School teacher and I'm guessing we have had some discussion regarding the Ten Commandments.

The other day I heard one of the girls running around the main floor of the house. This was slightly concerning as I was upstairs and the girls were both in the family room when I had headed upstairs. We have a gate across the door to the family room as it allows luxuries, like being able to run upstairs and switch a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer while knowing the girls are in a "secure environment". Apparently, Madeleine and Emily had figured out if they took their child-sized chairs and climbed up on the half-wall separating the family room from the kitchen, they could use a kitchen chair to climb down on the other side of the wall. Voila! Freedom! When I went downstairs and asked what was going on, I was informed "Emily show I how!" by a very happy Madeleine. This is not a good development.

Since our return we have started "music school". I go with the girls (next year they can go alone) and it is just an hour on Tuesday mornings. Both girls wander around the house singing, so we thought this may be a popular activity. True to form, Emily launched in right away with great enthusiasm. Mind you, she did not know any of the lyrics (many of the students started last "semester"), but that did not prevent her from singing along with everyone else, just two words behind. Madeleine was a bit more cautious and observed what was going on for a while. However, about 2o minutes into class, she too began singing along.

Our other exciting news since our return is that we got to "take care" of Harry while Erica and her husband, Jay, were on their honeymoon. That poor traumatized rabbit. He is used to an adult-only environment and then the three of us walk through the door. While the girls are gentle and try to be quiet - my guess is that is one relieved bunny when we leave him in peace. I personally greatly appreciate his role-modeling a love of vegetables!

Christmas Memories

Painting sugar cookies. Madeleine on the left and Emily on the right. Thanks to Aunt Liz for donating t-shirts to wear over our clothing!

Madeleine decorating gingerbread cookies Aunt Liz had for the girls.

Emily decorating her gingerbread cookies.

The first big storm (23" in 24 hours) brought enough snow we thought we could play in it...turns out it was a bit deep! Who could have predicted?

We tried to go sledding in the deep snow, but it was too powdery. A very dedicated Grandpa actually brought shovels over and dug a sledding path...even that didn't work too well at first. So, Emily decided riding on Grandpa's shovel was a good compromise.

Emily helps make the sledding path.

Sledding at last! (just takes the weight of an adult on the sled...as well as shoveling, smoothing with a box, etc, etc.)! Madeleine with a big grin (if you click on the picture you can actually see it) and yes, we noticed Emily toppled over at the top of the frame and picked her up.

Emily was less than thrilled with this trip down the hill as I nicked the snow on the side on the way down (I blame Grandpa as he pushed us off with enough enthusiasm he ended up flopped on the snow) and snow sprayed up in our faces...despite her concerns, Emily did not melt.

While the sledding was a bit of a challenge, we got to "have snow for a snack".

Uncle Tom and Aunt Camilla graciously hosted a brunch at The Davenport Hotel. Both girls spotted "the Cinderella Room" and went in. Emily in the Marie Antoinette Ballroom.

Madeleine in the Marie Antoinette Ballroom.

Madeleine (l) and Emily admiring one of the many gingerbread houses on display at the hotel. While we are not exactly following the "hands on your tummy" rule, we did not sample.

Aunt Camilla giving the girls gifts while explaining they are very important gifts and the girls need to use them to see Santa and his reindeer on Christmas Eve. (Emily in red, Madeleine in green)

The gifts...miners' lamps with which to view the sky! Appropriate for the great great granddaughters of a miner from the Idaho panhandle. Madeleine in red and Emily in white on the afternoon they were given the lamps - practicing for the 24th.

Christmas Eve - Where's Santa?

Per custom, everyone received new sleepwear on Christmas Eve. Emily (left) and Madeleine were given their first nightgowns - flannel and longer than they appear in the picture.

The purple train with purple hearts and the pink train with pink hearts we asked Santa for. While the trains are carried around, there has not been considerable playing with them. I'm sure the brunette elf who spent hours painting and stenciling is not at all bitter.

Playing one of our new Fancy Nancy games, given by Aunt Liz, with Uncle Kyle. Madeleine in pink and Emily in blue - Kyle in clothing,not jammies.

Two Cinderellas hanging out with Aunt Liz and various Christmas goodies.

And so...we ventured outside again. This time we had the joy of defrosting Uncle Paul's car door with a hair dryer. Obviously the door is open, but they had so much fun with the dryer, we just let them continue melting the snow off of the car. Emily.

Madeleine.
When it is too cold to play outside and the snow "isn't right", head to the grocery store and drive an apple! Emily by the door, Madeleine at the wheel.

Finally a sledding hill that works - just took new snow and some time. Madeleine (huge grin) with Grandpa. Emily also went sledding with Bapa, but the photographer had no luck capturing it.

Our one and only snowman of the season. There was some consternation that it was not made out of "three round balls".

When we got home and opened the gate, one mitten stuck to the metal. This delighted both girls and another mitten was added.

2 Moms, 4 Kids, 3,647.55 Miles

Emily, Madeleine and Andrew, along with their moms and Baby John (in carrier Erin is wearing), just before departing Norfolk.

To the first person who graciously points out the continental US is approximately 3,000 miles (not 3,600); thank you, I know. However, when one goes from Norfolk to Las Vegas and then to Spokane, the miles add up as one is not traveling in a straight line.

This year's annual Christmas pilgrimage to Spokane involved a new twist. We had the opportunity to travel with another family. Erin is another Spokane native, now living in Richmond, returning for Christmas. She and Uncle Paul were in the same class in school and her younger brother is good friends with Uncle Kyle. Consequently our families have known each other for years and years. She also has two small children and a husband who was unable to get away from work for an early Christmas departure. So, Melissa and Erin decided to play zone defense at 30,000 feet and make the trip together.

Considering the odds: a cross-country trip with two three-and-a-half year olds, one two-and-a-half year old and one three month old as well as carry-on consisting of two suitcases, two car seats, one stroller (gate checked), two heavy adult backpacks, three children's backpacks and one purse...the trip went remarkably well. We went through many, many stickers; made necklaces; colored in coloring books and snacked our way across the country. I think I can speak for Erin when I say we are both indebted to the person who invented fruit snacks as they are always popular and usually work as a bribe when a little one is in the process of losing it.

There were minimal meltdowns and Baby John slept the majority of the way (I am so jealous. I swear my ears are still ringing from when we flew from Seattle to Frankfurt with the girls when they were five months old). Erin and Melissa were able to help each other (each of us actually had the opportunity to use the restroom alone while the other one held down the fort) and more importantly look across the aisle and express mutual disbelief when it was announced there were "only three more hours" left on the first flight (it certainly felt like there should have been twenty minutes left - not three hours). I'm fairly suspicious the pilot had been circling Texas, Colorado or New Mexico just for kicks; he said something about having to go farther south of Denver because of weather - likely story.

When we changed planes I took the three "big kids" up the ramp and into the gate area while Erin waited for the stroller by the plane. Several people made comments about the cute triplets! (Please keep in mind Andrew is about 13 months younger than Madeleine and Emily, so I'm not too sure what people are thinking.) Later, when the "big kids" and I went on a short walk to look at planes while Erin guarded luggage (it was so nice to have someone who could stay with the luggage instead of dragging it up and down the terminal) I was again asked if the kids were triplets - talk about a glimpse into another world.

While people took one look at our row of six seats, two thirds of which were occupied by someone under four, and kept moving toward the back of the plane, we found many helpful strangers. People offered to grab and carry any number of things on or off the plane and for this we say thank you.

Harry And The Holidays

Emily (l) and Madeleine cleaning their shoes on Friday night. Daddy supervised to make sure the shoes would pass Nikolaus's inspection.

With Christmas around the corner Emily and Madeleine appear to be in a state of perpetual overdrive. "We" put up our tree and other decorations on Thanksgiving weekend, so now part of our daily routine is saying both good morning and good night to the tree as well as stopping to "use" the nutcrackers that are on the landing of the stairs.

The majority of our Christmas decorations were put up while the girls were napping (thankfully a long one). When they woke up and came downstairs they kept walking around "discovering" things and repeatedly saying "Oh my gosh!" It was also decided "We have the most beaubiful Chispis tee in de whole wolo." So, for anyone else who may put up a tree...good luck.

We have been singing lots of Christmas songs recently. I taught the girls Christmas Is A Coming and now Madeleine wanders around singing "Christmas is a coming and the geese are getting flat". The true lyric is the geese are getting fat, but her rendition leads to more imagery.

We had our Santa picture taken last Tuesday and were very excited to see him. In fact, we were more than willing to chat with him and felt we did not have enough time to do so.

This past weekend was non-stop entertainment. Nikolaus came on the night of December 5th for Nikolaustag. He brought the girls candy, of course, and some Santa themed clothing that seemed more appropriate earlier in the season than on Christmas day itself. Madeleine and Emily were very excited about Nikolaus's arrival and were quiet as soon as we left their bedroom at bedtime (shocking), however about 20 minutes later they were telling us, through the door, that we needed to go to bed too - they heard the TV in our room through the wall.

Saturday morning we checked out all of our Nikolaus goodies and then went to the annual Williamsburg Christmas Parade. We met McGruff The Crime Dog, got to see inside a police car before the parade started and were given candy canes and flags. The most nerve-wracking moment of the parade was at the very beginning when a model of an antique car, driven by a 10 year old (generous estimate), veered by... Our preschool had a "float" in the parade and Santa was in a fire truck at the very end!

Waiting for the parade to start! Emily on the left and Madeleine on the right.

Not to lack holiday spirit, but really! Should this child be driving any sort of vehicle where there are hundreds of people, many of them small children, sitting on the street?

Our school's "float" in the parade.


EmilyMadeleine (with the remnants of a candy cane - watching Santa approach!)

Madeleine (l) and Emily in their "fancy dresses" Oma and Opa sent from Germany. The girls were on their way to church - the bear and snowman stayed home.

Sunday afternoon we got to meet Harry. Harry is a bunny who was recently adopted by our loyal (and extremely brave) babysitter, Erica. He is six years old and we were thrilled to meet him. We found out Harry likes to eat oats and raisins as treats and both girls got to feed him. We left Erica's apartment convinced we too need a bunny.


Harry.Emily, Harry and Erica.

Harry eating oats out of Madeleine's hand.

Sunday evening we went to a Grand Illumination Party (Some sort of holiday thing for Williamsburg. We have never been, but did get stuck in the horrendous traffic caused by it for about 20 minutes.) hosted by one of the professors in the Econ dept. Emily and Madeleine were very excited to go because the event was co-hosted by the professor's stepdaughter, Meghan, and we got to see a "big girl's bedroom".

Ready for the Grand Illumination Party. Madeleine in red and Emily in green.

In closing, this morning I started the day with Emily needing to use the facilities. After I got her situated, Madeleine came in and asked "Mommy, you want to see something really cool?" I followed her to their room where she pulled back the curtain, pointed at the sunrise and proclaimed "Look!"

The Misses Schreiber Go To Washington

Emily in the pink hat and Madeleine in the purple hat with the Washington Monument in the background. I did not have them pose, this is a common stance we are achieving these days - usually while plotting against our parents.

Editor's note: We are going through a phase where we kind of want to wear the same thing...not necessarily to match, just because God forbid she gets what I want. Also, this makes it fun because Mom has some real hang-ups about us being twins (our names don't rhyme, they don't call us "the twins", etc. etc.) something about each of us having our own sense of self. So, an added bonus is, when we pick out matching coats (we know she won't fight us because she hates temper tantrums), clothing, etc.....we know she is cringing because she looks like "The Crazy Twin Lady" who dresses her children identically.

The weekend before Thanksgiving Till had a conference in Washington DC. Not at all content to let him go in peace and quiet, I decided the girls and I should go too - so we could see the zoo. Till and I foolishly thought the girls would nap on the way, so Saturday morning we played around here, ate lunch and then hit the road. As we left Williamsburg and headed up I-64, Till and I were instructed to tell the girls "as soon as we get to where we never been before." There was no nap. There was a lot of singing (primarily the ABCs), asking when we would be there, some flat-out screaming and thankfully one stop where Madeleine and Emily could stretch their legs and also learned how to put gas in a car.

Since the college was picking up the tab for Till's room (which he graciously shared with us), we decided to stay at the conference hotel which was the Grand Hyatt Washington. It has an atrium, fountains, etc. etc. As soon as we entered the lobby (with enough luggage to move across the country) Emily and Madeleine proclaimed we were in an "American castle"...I'm not sure where this came from, but who am I to disagree. Let's just say the first time they see a Holiday Inn, there will be significant disappointment.

Saturday afternoon we unpacked (a wee bit stressful with our helpers), unplugged the hotel room phones as they were beyond exciting about those - especially "the buttons with pictures", and explored the hotel. We took our first Metro ride to the Smithsonian where we visited the American History Museum. The Star Spangled Banner has undergone extensive preservation work and just recently was put back on display...the lines were huge. We went down a floor and found a hands-on display about invention and Madeleine and Emily could touch things to their hearts' content. Till and I were informed this was the "family room of the museum".

Following the Smithsonian, we had dinner at the Union Station food court (I know you are jealous) and then went swimming in the hotel pool. We also practiced getting on and off escalators! In all of my planning for this (including going to Busch Gardens in the late fall without the stroller to see how far the girls could walk before it wasn't worth the whining) - I didn't think about escalators and their prominent role in the subway system. I really did not want to mess with the stroller in the Metro, so we found a little-used escalator in the hotel and did a lot of practice with "one, two, three, big step" - the girls did a great job and are now pros (and highly distraught there are not buildings with escalators in Williamsburg).

Madeleine, President-Elect Obama, Emily in the hotel lobby.


Madeleine (right) giving Emily a hug - Em is thrilled - while waiting for the Metro.

Sunday morning Till went to his conference and the girls and I went to the zoo. We met our friends Meredith, Ethan and Jude who moved from Williamsburg to the DC area about a year and a half ago. The zoo's website stated that it opens at some ungodly hour and mentioned you can rent strollers. We met Meredith et.al. at 9. I did not want to deal with our stroller (the size of a Honda Civic) in the Metro, so we just hoofed it and planned on renting a zoo stroller when we got there. The Metro stop is about a third of a mile, uphill, from the zoo entrance (I knew this in advance and kept it to myself). When we got there, we learned the buildings are not open until 10. So, no stroller was rented and it took peanut butter M&Ms, from the 7-11 across the street from the zoo, to bribe four little feet all the way back to the Metro station.

However, we had fun with our friends and got to see pandas, lions, tigers, elephants, a rhinoceros, orangutans, gorillas, a zebra, fish, etc. etc. while there.

Riding the Metro (empty because it is Sunday morning).

Ethan, Jude, Emily and Madeleine with Lucy - the 33 year old orangutan.

Panda bear Madeleine.
Panda bear Emily.
Two bears.

After our zoo excursion we went back to our castle room and, thanks to blackout blinds, took a long nap. That night we walked (two of us in the stroller) to dinner and then went on a walk to the White House and Washington Monument so we could see them with their lights on. Something about one of those "Washington At Night" bus tours suggested it would be a waste of money on this particular visit...

Monday morning we went back to the American History Museum and waited for the doors to open (I'm totally okay with being a geek and an early one at that). We were the 3rd-6th people to see the Star Spangled Banner that day. The display area has very low light to protect the flag and two of us were a bit nervous about the dark. However, we were intrigued by the size of the flag, etc. As we left the display Emily and Madeleine decided they would like to go through again, but the line was already to the 30 minute mark, so we decided maybe next time.

We then headed to the Air and Space Museum where Madeleine and Emily had fun looking at airplanes and rockets. We also had lunch and they got to try astronaut ice cream. Then it was our final ride on the Metro and back into the car. The next trip we take that is longer than 20 miles, someone is riding in a dog crate on the roof...I don't care if it is me or them, but someone is up there.


Emily at the Air and Space Museum.

Madeleine at the Air and Space Museum.

Emily (left) and Madeleine with their first pumpkin pie.

Thanksgiving was a very low-key affair at our house. The holiday isn't significant for Till and the girls don't really eat meat....so it was boneless skinless chicken breast and Stove Top at our house. As I told my dad - I will go to the effort to make that pain-in-the-fanny meal at the point we can get through it without me having to say "Please don't put that sticker on your spoon!" However, the girls and I did make a pumpkin pie which received less than enthusiastic reviews from the preschool set.

My family mocks me for this, and I don't care. NORAD tracks Santa on Christmas Eve (it is actually a hoot to listen to the reports from the bases around the world - and thanks to time zones you can do it all day long!). Sadly, the site doesn't really give much insight to Santa's activities in the "off" season. However, it will be up and running again on December 1st!! Click here.

History Made!!

Emily (l) and Madeleine (r) holding a replica of Mom's ballot voting for President Elect Obama.

Emily and Madeleine wearing the stickers Mom and Grandpa were given as their "official ID" to wear while knocking on doors last Sunday.

Picture taken in February - Emily on the left and Madeleine on the right, showing support for Mom's candidate of choice during the primaries.


P.S. Virginia goes BLUE!!!